When I was pregnant with my first child, I was genuinely concerned that I wouldn't know when I was in labor, seeing as it was gonna be a new experience. That concern only grew in my 32nd week of pregnancy, when a doctor informed me that I was "prematurely ripe" (yes, those are the exact words). I had dilated several centimeters and my baby had already dropped into the birth canal, though I hadn't even had one sign of labor, false or otherwise. I was put on bed rest, where I prayed like crazy that I wouldn't go into labor unknowingly and fail to make it to the hospital.
Miraculously, I carried that baby to 38 weeks and promptly woke up pretty much in hard labor. What I mean by that is that I had two small contractions, which I wasn't sure were contractions, and my water broke, which sent waves of searing, gut wrenching, pain throughout my body, almost with no break. I begged my husband to pull over on the way because I knew this child was coming right then. We did make it to the hospital. I did not, however, pray that same prayer with my second child. In fact, I made sure and told God, "No worries, here, I will know, please don't be sure that I know when I'm in labor, I got this."
I don't generally go around asking questions if I think I might not like the answer. I'd rather pretend-something that we lonely onlies are *really* good at doing. It's not really avoidance per se, but more of a nervous twitch by a chronic fixer. Given that I like the perpetual pretend land of my childhood, you'd think I'd have had sense enough NOT to ask for such a thing.
Even more baffling, given that same personality trait, (although not so much, if you understand that I'm not really a quick learner b/c I am stubborn) is that, beginning when my children were very young, I prayed that anything my children did in the dark would be brought into the light. I prayed this often, thinking that I was doing my kids a real favor. Granted, I never got away with anything, and I didn't consider it a real blessing, but as an adult I understood that kids need to understand consequences.
Let me just say that I have slapped myself upside the head a few times over asking for that one because little did I know that the blessing is in NOT knowing what in the world your kids are doing. I'm only half joking here, people. I don't think many of our parents would've survived us, had they known half of what we were doing. Their hearts would've flat out failed. This mama's heart is barely gonna make it, that I'm sure of, because there are no rewind buttons, you can't be made unaware of that which you were blissfully unaware of, just moments before. I think I need to learn to start tweaking those requests and being much more careful what I ask for...or figure out how to get God to answer all of my requests as wholeheartedly as He has those two.
